YOUR CHILDREN
KIDS CHORES
The
topic of chores does not often strike a good chord with anyone in the
family. Mom feels she's a nag and Dad doesn't want to be the bad guy
always jumping down kids' throats to get them moving. It often feels
so much easier to just let it slide, do it yourself and have peace
and quiet. Right? Easy yes, but not the way to go. Kids need to
understand that
being part of a family is a great privilege and
honor. We love each other and we want to help each other. We've
received a lot and we want to contribute back. Kids don't think this
way, but you must see it in this light.
Chores can develop a
greater capacity for loving and self-giving.
As
soon as your children have either interest or ability in helping out,
enlist them. Don't wait for them to volunteer. The kids who are
natural tidy-uppers will, but most won't. You are the one to put
them in gear – nicely, firmly and regularly. Whether you have
only one child or a dozen, be aware that
chores provide fertile
training ground for much good. Like what? Let's see:
Chores
build character (for example personal toughness, responsibility,
generosity, patience, perseverance, obedience and order)
Chores
teach life skills – how to take care of yourself (cooking,
cleaning, laundry etc.)
Learned
early in life, these life skills will free up time and energy for
more important responsibilities (school, work, family) once they
leave home, since the skills are already second-nature.
Chores
build confidence, healthy self-esteem and independence.
Chores
build a sense of community in the family. Everyone pitches in and
everyone benefits by having more family time together with mom and
dad.
Children
learn the value of work well done and the importance of
dependability.
By
allotting chores, things get done faster. Everyone has more time for
fun. There is a greater sense of teamwork, and less sense of
resentment, particularly by the mother.
Children
need to feel they are needed and their contribution in the family
makes a difference. This gives them a greater sense of belonging and
security. Chores provide that opportunity.
Children
have a greater capacity to help out when guests are coming, time is
at a premium and parents are stuck due to illness, hospitalization,
absence, the birth of a baby and so forth.
What an invaluable help this presents!! What self-esteem this can
build in a child!
All
this being said, we still will have attacks of procrastination,
whine-aramas and bums glued to couches. Don't despair. We all face
it. But don't give in.
Start
young. Teen years are too late. The lazy hormone kicks in big
time by grades 8 and 9. If you haven't laid good work habits prior to
that time, you probably won't get the co-operation later. You have
more important battles in the teen years, so start young and be
consistent. The important thing is to understand the child's
abilities, demand what is reasonable in quality and quantity, and
most importantly praise, praise, praise. Kids want to see that their
efforts, big and small, count and are worthwhile.
Here
are some tips:
Preschoolers
(2-3 years old) have short attention spans and little ability.
However regularly get them to help pick up toys, tidy a room, make
their bed etc. They work best when you do it with them. Motivate
through great music, singing songs together and little perks. Small
kids don't understand time. Sometimes we work for the span of 5
renditions of the ABC song or Twinkle, Twinkle. Another good
method is when/then. For example, when we finish ....(putting
the puzzle away, cleaning up the dinky cars ) then we will ....
(watch a video, have lunch, play hide and seek etc. ) So
strategically think of regular fun moments in the day and precede
them by small tasks. Stay calm, smile a lot and don't give way.
These little guys need to know you are in charge, gently but firmly.
As
they approach school age,
demand a little more. At one point my twins (4 at the time)
enjoyed getting a job chart in the morning. It would list 3 or 4
duties for each of them, either drawn or written, and a reward
listed at the bottom. The jobs were short, manageable and very
helpful to me. It would vary each day. For example – put all the
cushions on the couch, put all toys in the living room in a basket,
put all shoes in a row. They loved it, enjoyed getting stickers or
checkmarks and were rewarded with something that made them happy,
like their daily video, a yummy snack or a fun game with mom. Kids
also love to work to music. Others might enjoy a race against
the clock. Keep the tone positive, because these are good work
habits you are forming and kids don't need a drill sargeant or major
nag on their back.
Once
school age, they should be regularly helping out. Realize no chore
at any age can be delegated unless you take the time to train
them. Some ideas:
- Have
them first watch you do it. (For big chores like bathroom or room
cleanup, I write out each step on a cue card so they can remember
the sequence and approach. The cue card is stored in a drawer in
the room for future reference.)
- Next
time walk them through it, offering lots of encouragement and a bit
of a hand.
- Then
supervise them doing the whole thing, offering lots of praise.
- Once
competent, it's theirs.
- Always
inspect once completed.
- Eventually
you can fine tune the job to include other details or higher
standards.
Stick
to a predictable routine. Decide upon it as a family: who does what,
when and how often. Post your chore chart in the kitchen.
This alone will save a zillion battles.
Make
sure there is enough time to get the job done too. They don't
operate at adult speed, so be patient.
|
CHORE
|
Jan/May/Sept
|
Feb/June/Oct
|
March/JulyNov
|
April/Aug/Dec
|
|
Tidy, vacuum, dust main
floor
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tidy, vacuum,
dust second fl.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Clean bathrooms
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tidy toy room
sort toys, vacuum
|
|
|
|
|
|
Wash something, ie.
floors/walls/windows
|
|
|
|
|
As
much as possible stick to your routines. In my house for
example, Saturdays are always house chore days. We all know 1-2
hours are needed to accomplish the mission and it has priority
before any fun stuff. Because we are consistent in enforcing it,
there are few problems. Kids in my house know: no chores, no
computers. They bite the bullet and pull their weight.
Expect
what you are willing to inspect.
Kids get easily distracted and are quick to pack it in. If you
expect them to do the job, you must take the time to inspect the
work to see if and how it was done. When your kids know you will be
checking, they are more apt to make the effort. I often give
kids time frames, ie. I want the work done and inspected before
supper. Don't hesitate either to get them to re-do sloppy work.
You can teach a lot of good work habits and attitudes in this way.
A
word of caution: Don't over or under use your children! Kids
who are self-propelled, conscientious workers have a tendency to be
overused by you. Be very careful in this! You can drive kids to
great resentment if they realize they are being excessively used. I
have heard so many women say they don't want children because their
childhood was burdened by excessive work and little play. Be
careful! In the same way, some kids seem born slackers. You must
put their butts into gear and get them to pull their weight. Don't
hesitate to hold back privileges (TV, computers, desserts etc.) if
they don't follow through. Here the question is one of obedience and
generosity. Be nice but be very firm and stand your ground.
Understand each child's strengths and weaknesses; demand
appropriately to help them achieve balanced character and harmonious
development.
When
your kids start complaining “It's always the same old thing”,
take note. Maybe they need change and variety. Offer to rotate
the chores, either on a daily, weekly or monthly schedule. In my
house the kitchen chore list rotates on a daily basis
because that's what the kids liked best. However they voted that the
house chore list rotates monthly. Complaints may also mean it's time
to move on to a newer and more challenging chore. Your kids are
growing up. Think of something more grown up to introduce them to.
Regardless
stick to your guns in getting your children to do chores. Kids
mature not when they can take care of themselves, but when they can
take care of others. Chores are a beginning in that direction.
IN
MY HOUSE
Beds
made, bedrooms tidy on a daily basis (or school children lose 5 min
off computer time for each day not accomplished).
Weekly
house chores as shown in chore chart below (no Saturday computer games for
anyone until everyone is done).
Kids
take turns making breakfast for the family with dad.
Starting
in Grade 1, they make their own lunches. We provide possible
contents on counter and they “throw” it together on their own.
Must have a drink, sandwich, fruit and/or snack.
Chore schedules are posted in the kitchen after a family meeting where everyone decides who does what for that year.
By
highschool: The kids do their own laundry, ironing and mending. They also assist
mom in grocery shopping, menu planning and cooking meals.
Our
kids start off small in each item and work their way to total
competence. Some are slower than others and level of enjoyment varies
with temperaments. Our kids are not paid for these chores. They know
it's their way of showing thanks for all they are given in the
family. This does not mean they never slack off or test the limits.
We stand firm on co-operation. It's all about teamwork and together
we make it happen.
Articles:
Age Appropriate Responsibilities by Catherine and Joseph Garcia-Prats (used with permission)
Good
reads on this topics include:
mrsclenjean's Housekeeping with Kids by Tara Aronson
Confessions
of an Organized Family by Deniece Schofield
Secrets
of Discipline by Ron Moorish
